we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
