Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
