I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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