Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
