when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
