"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
