His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
