I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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