Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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