The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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