Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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