Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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