I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
