you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
