saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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