Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
