Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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