My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
