I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
