the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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