first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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