I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
