He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
