Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
