Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
