I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
