Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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