You're my little dorito
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
