Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
