you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
