so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
