Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
