I met the friendliest cop last night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
