who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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