Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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