Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
