Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
