yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Damn victory sex feels great
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
