She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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