dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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