I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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