If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
