is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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