Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My bed smells like the plague
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
