we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
