yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
