oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
