Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
