Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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