matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want to make out with him forever
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
