my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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