Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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