I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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