The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
