at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
