the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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