I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize