I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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