Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
