the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
