According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
