i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
