Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What a dumb baby whore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
