Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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