im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
