I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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