i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i out mim tonsoeep
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