Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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