is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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