Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
